Textling #17

I expend energy by the thimbleful, scooped from a shallow pool, a puddle really. A slow skirt-dance of ripples as I dip in, then back to mirror-stillness.

Pretty, isn’t it, and precious; contrived, controlled; a nice-looking lid on a pot that is close to boiling over. Today I want to burn, cleave, clobber!

I wake, each and every morning, delirious with hunger for an active day. Suggestions in a quickly refuted study, that exercise and CBT (I’ve tried the latter, and much else) can overcome mind-numbing, bone-crushing, all-encompassing fatigue and monstrous pain-levels, make me blister with rage. Positive attitude, anybody? All those I know were industrious, enterprising, socially engaged people and fully in the world before the fall. I used to hike, four, six, eight hours; loved to get up early, roam the streets of London on the way to work. Now I crumble traipsing to the kitchen, spend endless periods supine. Who would want this?

Writing (iPad on belly) sustains me. My output frustrates. I say ‘today’ when it’s taken half a week to pen these lines, minutes at a time. Lives literally collapse under the weight of M.E., meet mostly disregard, and all I do is whisper.

More biomedical research, now! I am straining at the leash. We all are.

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7 thoughts on “Textling #17

  1. To cleave and to clobber is vital. Utterly. And yes, we are all straining at the leash…
    These texts, whilst written from a crumbled place, are extraordinary. Really.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. the word that I wanted to write was merveilleux in French ( marvellous just doesn’t work). Merveilleux
    describes that which surprises and transports to another realm, surpassing the ordinary and transporting us to a different realm.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I like your French words, Susanna. Bouleversant has become a favourite. And merveilleux is rather special too. Thank you. Transportation to different realms is important to me, esp. given that I can hardly budge at the moment.

    Like

  4. I love bouleversant too. Whoops, just re-read my last comment and realised I repeated myself – though too many realms can never be a bad thing….

    Like

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